


Self-Discovery

by Lilianachan



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Celebrations, Confessions, Friends to Lovers, Future, Growing Up, Heteronormativity, I mean Yuri has like a shot of vodka, M/M, More tags to be added, OtaYuri Week 2017, Pining, Sharing a Bed, Skating accident, Underage Drinking?, but theyre in japan so hes not allowed to drink, i mean from the interviewer, im not sure yuri knows how to friendship, implicit mentions of anxiety, its a bit of a grey zone, long distance-friendship, of a minor character, with this chapter i sort of told you what todays prompt will be like
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-09-25 19:50:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9841370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilianachan/pseuds/Lilianachan
Summary: Yuri Plisetsky is young. Not stupid. He knows his best friend is ridiculously attractive. But that won't explain the butterflies in his stomach right? This is sure to be Viktor and Yuuri's fault. They must have infected him with their gross behaviour.Yuri Plisetsky is young. His whole life has consisted of the ice. But that is changed abruptly once he gets to know the Hero of Kazakhstan.





	1. August 2017

_Saturday Morning_

**From: Beka [5.45 am]**

_Good morning, Yura._

**To: Beka [5.46 am]**

_hi_

_how was ur run_

**From: Beka [5.46 am]**

_It was nice. It’s not too hot in the morning._

**To: Beka [5.48 am]**

_tru_

_ill text u when im done runnin_

**From: Beka [5.50 am]**

_Davai!_

**yuri-plisetsky posted an image**

Ready for my morning run! #nocoffeeyet #ihatewakingupthisearly #NOTamorningperson

 

**From: Beka [6.00 am]**

_Your hair looks really nice today._

He felt himself blushing as he saw his best friend’s message. Yuri had not really done anything special with his hair. If he was honest, he only fell asleep with it  still in the braid from the day before. He left it as it was for his morning run, as his hair was bound to get messed up anyways and it was way too early to care.

There went no effort into his hair. But his friend still seemed to like it

Willing his heartbeat, that surely was only still going so fast because of his run, to slow down, he quickly made himself a cup of coffee before pulling out a yoga mat to start his morning stretches, while slowly drinking he coffee.

He had just gone through a height spurt, gaining several centimetres in the duration of two months, so stretching was important to regain his flexibility as his body grew. He struggled with positions that seemed easy before.

But in the end he was still more flexible than his best friend, which he never failed to mention.

Just like this morning. He placed the coffee cup next to his foot to stretch towards it, a position that made Otabek cringe just seeing it.  He took a photo of his foot and the cup and the hand stretching towards it.

 

**To: Beka [7.45 am]**

_You Sent an Image_

_all the motivation i need_

Yuri continued his morning stretches while browsing through instragram and drinking his coffee. He commented the new photos Phichit, Viktor and Mila had uploaded and forwarded cute cat videos and pictures to his best friend.

There was one picture especially that made him grin with mischief.

It was a little black cat that looked everything but happy. Chuckling to himself, he sent it to Otabek.

****

**To: Beka [8.22 am]**

_This cat looks like u_

_guess whos got a new contact pic_

_lmao_

With that he finished his stretches and got his stuff together for today’s morning practice. On his way to Lilia’s car he grabbed an apple and a piece of bread for breakfast. He knew this was not the best, but he just could not get down more food at this time of the day.

After finishing the meagre breakfast, he finally loosened the braid and combed through it with a brush Lilia always had in her car for him. He did not really feel like doing anything fancy with it, but even if he loved the feeling of his long hair flowing behind him, it would only get in the way of his training.

His heart did a weird flutter when he remembered Otabek’s compliment from this morning. His usual reaction to such a comment from anyone else would be to scoff and do the opposite out of spite.

But the thought of Otabek liking something about him and compliment him again excited Yuri for some reason and created an oddly warm feeling in his stomach.

He scoffed at himself but braided his hair halfway back pulling the rest up in a ponytail, similarly to the way it looked at his Free Skate at the last GFP.

Just as they were pulling onto the parking lot, he took a selfie of himself and uploaded it.

**yuri-plisetsky uploaded a photo**

omw to morning practice! #hairgoals #mybraidisbetterthanyours #icetigerofrussia

 

**To: Beka [8.57 am]**

_hope u have a nice practice_

_so we can kick ass together this year_

_esp jjs_

_and viktors_

_anyway g2g ttyl_

He finished his morning texts to his best friend with these kind of abbreviations because he knew, Otabek would frown at his screen, needing a moment to understand what the letters stood for.

Yuri let his phone slip into his bag before he tied his skates and got onto the ice, only to be yelled at by Yakov for his tardiness, which was ridiculous, Yuri was only a minute late.

When Yakov had told him that he was getting old and that he would only continue coaching him for another one, maybe two seasons, Yuri had though the old man would cut him some slack. Especially since Lilia told him she would only continue to teach him for as long Yakov was coaching him.

But if anything, they trained him even harder.

On the other hand, they gave him more freedom with his choreographies. Well, if freedom meant he could choose his own themes for this year. They were still in control over the music of his programmes, as well as the choreographies themselves. But when Yuri came to them and told them he would like for his theme to be ‘self-discovery’ this season, they sat down with him and worked through what this would entail.

Yuri told them he wanted to play with his image and work with how his image reflected his growth as a person, as well as a skater. He wanted to show both the brash, impatient side of the Ice Tiger of Russia, as well as the soft, beautiful Fairy. He wanted to show that he was growing into a man’s body while on the other side embracing the fluidity of gender.

Yakov and Lilia had been overjoyed that he had put so much thought into his next season. Or as overjoyed as the two could get.

Yuri told them he needed to change how he worked to maintain his position on the GPF podium. He would never tell them that working with Viktor on Agape helped him realise that. He did not want to remain as the skater who only did what his coaches told him to win. He wanted to skate his own ideas and his own stories.

Yakov had choreographed the Free Programme. He had chosen Prokofiev’s ‘Dance of the Knights’ from _Romeo & Juliet._ The first time listening, Yuri had only listened to the song he could not say he could see himself skating to it.

Back then he only had listened to the beginning with its heavy accompaniment and the thick high strings with their rhythms. But when he listened to the whole piece at home he discovered the soft almost playful middle of the song.

He had decided he would skate to it without complaints when he realised the song reminded him of Otabek. Not only was a hero often a knight, but the Hero of Kazakhstan was like the song itself. Leaving aside that the song sounded like something Otabek would skate to, the song started out as heavy, dark and brooding only becoming softer in the middle. The Kazakh himself could come off as brooding and unfriendly, but Yuri grew to know him better with soft sides and playfulness.

But Yakov did not have to know about that.

He would only work Yuri harder if he knew his reasons. Yuri was not sure how that would be possible, but he remembered how the coach had worked Viktor and if that was his maximum, he was going to be there soon. Yakov had included a quad flip into the choreography, that was to be kept a secret from everyone. To practice it Yuri had to stay behind when all the other skater had gone home after afternoon practice. In morning practice, he was to only jump it as a triple.

The Short Programme had been choreographed by Lilia this time. When the ballerina told him he would skate to Tschaikowsky’s ‘Dance of the Sugar-Plum Fairy’ she thought she was kidding. Everyone and their grandmother skated to that song. Lilia only smiled her thin lipped smile and told him he would have to skate well enough that the audience and the judges forgot about it.

Yuri was sold on doing the song when he lay down in bed after learning the choreography earlier in the year and could see himself skating it at the next GPF. Not only could he see himself skating it, but he could see himself skating it in a costume under Otabek’s heavy gaze. He would have to grow his hair even longer and braid it.

Yuri was pulled from his thoughts by Yakov shouting at Viktor to get himself together. The other skater was apparently not only distracting his fiancée but all other skaters as well. Not that Yuri would tell his coach he had not been distracted by Viktor.

Which brought him back to his original musings. Why was Otabek such a huge factor on choosing his skates this year. He was his friend, yes. The best friend Yuri ever had, but was that really the reason? There was something else, but he did not know what.

“Yuri! Get your head out of the clouds! Go practice your Short Skate!”, Yakov yelled at him and Yuri yelled back him before getting ready to start the programme without music. He pulled back the internal image of himself in a woody green with long braided hair back into his mind, even going so far as to imagining Otabek’s eyes on him. The dark eyes of his friend were on him, unable to look away. He pushed himself farther, skating as elegantly as he could.

He tried to move more fluent, nimbler. More like a fairy would.

He stopped with his arms opened wide into Otabek’s direction. He only noticed he had changed the ending, when he opened his eyes and he was back in his home rink in St. Petersburg looking at Yuuri instead of his best friend.

“That was beautiful, Yuri. But please remember the correct ending next time.”, Lilia praised.

Yuri shrugged, skating to the side of the rink and accepting the bottle of water Mila held out to him.

“I like this one better.”

“Well, it’s not part of the choreography.”

“I don’t care. I’m keeping it. I’ll go work on the step sequences now.”, Yuri decided to stop the argument he felt coming up between him and the former prima ballerina.

He had no idea why, but during the rest of the practice his mind kept wandering to his best friend He was distracted, he decided.

Distracted by his best friend. But why?

Yes, it was easy to be Otabek’s friend. Yuri just got along with him exceptionally well.

But why was he feeling warm all over at the thought of Otabek standing on the podium with him, giving him one of his more special smiles, that Yuri knew were rare. He almost did not care if Otabek got the gold or him.

Almost.

Yakov ended practice and it was time for lunch. After stepping out of his skates, Yuri took his phone out too what his friend had answered him. His eyes were glued to the screen, but there was no need to look up to know his way to the cafeteria.

**From: Beka [ 9.31 am]**

_Thank you._

_Morning practice went well. I hope yours went well, too?_

_I hope my programmes will get me far this year._

_I’m sure we will both be able to do well and, as you put it, kickass together._

Yuri could not help but stare at the word ‘together’. It felt as if his heart did the quadruple flip and he felt warmth spread all the way from his stomach to the tips of his fingers and toes. But that was the heat in the glass cafeteria, surely.

 

**From: Beka [9.36 am]**

_I really liked the cat pictures you sent me._

_But please do not put the grumpy cat as my contact photo._

_I do feel honoured that the car reminded you of me._

_But I would rather you have a nice photo of me._

_I will send you one. My sister took it. You will like it._

_There’s a cat in this one, too_

_Beka Sent You a Photo_

 

Yuri dropped his fork, which landed on the table in front of him with a loud _clank_. To some extent he was aware of the looks the others threw him, but it was not like he cared. All he knew was that his eyes were glued to the screen in his hand.

The picture of Otabek showed him illuminated by the warm afternoon sun shining through the window next to him. He was holding a very small kitten. Yuri only noticed then how big his friend’s hands were. And how that made him feel warm all over.

But the best, or for Yuri’s sanity worst, was the way Otabek smiled at the camera.

Yuri knew that Otabek’s big smiles were rare, only saved for special occasions. Nevertheless, Yuri had been the recipient of Otabek’s smiles. But even he had not been graced by this particular smile.

Otabek, who’s smiles usually consisted of a twinkle in his eye or one corner of his mouth, rarely both, lifted slightly, was smiling so warmly, his eyes full of adoration, dimples showing on his chin.

“Yurio, is everything alright?”, Yuuri asked him Yuri took a deep shuddering breath, only realising then that he had forgotten to breath.

“Yeah. Just peachy.”, he only realised then how broken his voice sounded, almost an octave higher than normal. If his voice had not stopped changing almost one and half years prior, he would think he was right back at the change that was so typical for puberty.

Then again, it may also have been a whine.

If he was not aware of everyone’s eyes on him before, he was now sure he got everyone’s attention. His heart was back to beating as if he was running a marathon.

Yuri was young. Not stupid.

He was aware that his best friend was incredibly attractive, but that picture just took the cake.

He only noticed that Viktor was looking over his shoulder when the older man whistled.

He whirled around, trying to hide his phone.

But it was too late.

If the others had not been interested into Yuri’s phone, now they definitely were. Yuri tried to hide his phone away from sight, but Mila was quick enough to snatch it out of his hands.

“Oh, wow.”, she marvelled, her eyes stuck to the screen of Yuri’s phone. With a sound, he had prior no idea he could produce, Yuri leapt across the table to snatch his phone out of Mila’s hand.

“Don’t ever touch my phone again.”, he almost growled and stood, taking his food with him.

“Woah calm down, Yurio, we meant no harm.”, Viktor tried to appease him, but Yuri was almost out of the room. The only thing he yelled as he out was

“Don’t fucking call me that!”

Yuri had no idea how he reached the stair case. He only knew that his pulse was incredibly high and a sense of impending doom crept up his spine. Otabek had sent the photo in their private chat. It was a picture his sister had taken. Yuri knew what a private person Otabek was and there he went sharing that private picture with everyone.

Otabek was bound to hate him.

At the thought tears shot in his eyes.

He had to apologise.

He scrolled past the text messages that followed the picture to type an answer.

 

**To: Beka [12.55 pm]**

_Beka! I’m so sorry._

_Viktor and Mila saw the photo. It was an accident. I know that you didn’t want me to share it with the world._

_Please don’t hate me._

_You’re really important to me, I know this wasn’t supposed to happen._

_But I don’t want to lose you._

 

With a heavy heart, Yuri scrolled back up to continue reading his friend’s remaining messages. He tried to get down the chicken salad, just because he knew he needed something in his stomach to get through the rest of the day.

**From: Beka [9.39 am]**

_My sister says she wants to meet you someday._

_Seems like your stretches are getting better again._

_You mentioned problems after your latest growth spurt._

_But seems like you’re still way more flexible than I could ever hope be._

_Again, your hair looks really nice like that._

_Well I’ve got to go again, I will talk to you later._

He smiled at the messages, his heart skipping a beat at the compliment. If his heart kept this up, Yuri had no idea how to get through it.

Not that this would ever happen again, his brain provided, after all e probably threw their friendship into the wind.

He brought back his tray to the cafeteria, but did not react to any of the others trying to talk to them.

Yuri knew he would be early, but he started making his way over to the ballet studio. Lilia was not there yet, but the ballet teacher in charge of the advanced group that was in the studio at this time knew him and had no problems with him joining her group for the last half hour.

Lila got in a little early, while the class was still doing their stretches, but Yuri only knew because he heard the door open and close and the tell-tale sound her heels on the dancefloor. He did not look up from where his head lay on his right leg up on the barré.

Even though he knew Otabek would not have the time to take a look at the messages he had written, because he was the middle of afternoon practice, he could not help checking his phone.

 

**From: Old Man [12.59 pm]**

_Sorry about what happened at lunch._

 

He left Viktor’s message unanswered and let his phone fall back into his bag. He took a couple of sips from his water bottle and noticed Lilia was ready for their lesson.

He tried his best to concentrate on the lesson, on the off-ice versions of his choreographies, but he could not help but think of Otabek. About his stupid smile and his stupid dimples and the stupid feelings he made him feel.  

Lilia must have noticed mind was elsewhere because Yuri had not been yelled this much since he first started working with her.

 

When she was done with him, she sent him off to Yakov, who only screamed at him even more. The hag must have told him over the phone that Yuri was not concentrated.

Yuri thought this was not fair. All the others had their heads in the clouds all the time. Georgi was a mess when his ex broke up with him, Mila was always dreaming about far off places and men that fell to their knees for her, and he had not even started with Viktor and the Katsudon.

He was about to just leave in the middle of practice, but then he would have to survive Yakov and Lilia’s reprimand at home. They would probably take his laptop away. Or his phone. Or both. The thought did not help his current state mind any better.

And everything had gone so well in the morning. He just wanted to go to bed, pull his blanket over his head and skype with Otabek.

His stomach churned again. Otabek probably never wanted to talk to him again.

He had no idea how, but he somehow got though practice without any further incidents. He had about 15 minutes left with the others and then 30 minutes alone.

Yakov was yelling at Viktor and Mila used the diversion to skate up to Yuri.

 

“Hey, what was going on with you at lunch?”, she asked, concerned.

“Nothing. Some days are just shitty.”, Yuri answered, shrugging.

“Yeah, I guess… Hey Yuri?”, she asked, her voice suddenly quiet. This was a tone he was not used to hearing from Mila.

“What’s up?”

“Would you be cool with me texting Otabek?”

Yuri stopped himself from stopping abruptly on the ice.

No, he was not cool with that. Otabek was _his_ friend.

“Why should I have a problem with that?”, he asked and hoped Mila did not notice his voice going up several notes.

“I don’t know… I thought maybe… after what happened at lunch…”, she drifted off.

“What about it? Beka and I are friends. Best friends”, he answered.

“So you’re not… you know…”

“No, I don’t know. Spit it out.”

“I just wanted to ask if it’s okay with you if I texted Otabek. To, you know, ask him out. It’s been some time since Alexei and I broke up and I saw this gorgeous picture in your phone and I just thought it was worth a try. So I guess I just wanted to know if you two were… a thing.”, she looked at Yuri, but he was not looking at her.

His gaze was locked on the ice in front of him.

He tried to will away the thoughts of Otabek and Mila in a small little café, talking, laughing, holding hands, kissing.

He felt as though he could not breathe, the feeling of impending doom that had been crawling up and down his spine settled n his throat.

“You’re old enough to make your own decisions. You do what you want anyhow.”, he croaked and skated away from her, launching himself into the air for a triple Lutz, in hope the feeling of flying got rid of the anxiety.

He jumped again and again, ignoring the others as they bid their goodbyes for the night.

He worked through his step sequences.

 

He was alone.

 

Yakov and Lilia had stepped outside, to talk about him, he was sure.

He skated through his Free Programme, his mind back to Otabek. He did not really think about the choreography, not that he needed to. He had it ingrained into his limbs since March.

He jumped ad spun and stepped through it until he reached the last jump. In front of his internal eye, he saw Otabek, smiling at him in Barcelona, through the screen of his laptop, on the photo.

He only noticed he had landed the quad flip when he stopped in his final position, his hands in front of his eyes, open.

 

Yakov screamed at him in a mixture of praise and criticism.

“I’m changing the ending.”, Yuri interrupted him and without waiting for Yakov’s answer, started playing his song on the phone, which was connected with the rink’s stereo system.

He vowed to himself to keep his mind on skating this time around, which worked well until the last couple of seconds.

He spun backwards, his left had stretched in front of him before he stretched both hands into the air above him.

The steps were the same as Otabek’s last steps at the GPF last year.

“You’re done for the day.”, Yakov proclaimed and Yuri, who suddenly felt exhaustion crawl through his limbs. He just wanted to go home and sleep.

 

He skated over to where his phone lay on a table by the side and picked it up. He saw several messages and even a missed call from Otabek.

Otabek surely wanted to yell at him, too.

He changed into his trainers on a bench and slipped his phone into his team jacket’s pocket.

He put off checking the messages until he was at home in a hot, soothing bath. He decided he deserved that.

The traffic was lighter in the evening, but they still had to go through thick traffic to reach home. Yuri had dozed off and only noticed they had arrived home, when Lilia opened the door he was leaning against.

For once, he was happy about her demanding him to wear his seatbelt in her car.

 

Yuri told his coaches not to wait for him for dinner, because he planned to take a bath. He would heat up whatever they left over for him later, after he got out of the tub.

His cat, Mischa, asked for his attention when he entered his room and after he started to let the water into the tub he checked if she had enough food and water. He stroked her fluffy fur for a few minutes until she gave a meow and walked away to sleep on his armchair.

He smiled at the feline and went back into the bathroom to see his bath was ready. After dimming the lights and choosing an instrumental playlist on Spotify, he climbed into the tub, sinking below the water where he stayed for several moments listening to the sound of his heartbeat in his ears.

When he resurfaced he grabbed his phone with shaking hands. He was not able to put into words how nervous he was before contacting his best friend. Before he could make up his mind, he went to the message app and started reading.

Otabek had tried calling first, just when Yuri knew his practice to be finished. Then he must have remembered Yuri’s training times and tried to get through with texts.

 

**From: Beka [3.32 pm]**

_Yuri, it’s okay. I’m not mad. The picture was supposed to be private, but it’s not like you posted it on Instagram without my approval._

_I would be foolish to stop wanting to be your friend over something so small._

_I admired you for so long and wanted to be part of your life for so long._

_Being your friend is one of the best things that ever happened to me._

_Don’t worry! You’re important to me, as well. Please call me when you’re done with practice._

Yuri pressed the call button on FaceTime quicker than anything else he had done in the last hour.

It took only one ring for Otabek to pick up.

Seeing his friend’s smiling face erased all tension in Yuri’s body.

“ _Good evening, Yuri. I take it you read my messages._ ”, his friend greeted him.

Yuri nodded, unable to speak.

“ _Like I said there: Don’t worry about what happened. It doesn’t matter. Don’t beat yourself up over that._ ”

Otabek’s voice was soft and Yuri’s heart fluttered in response.

“ _You’re really important to me, Yuri. I would never let you go._ ”

Yuri would forever deny what happened next, but he could not hold it bac. Hot tears started rolling over his cheeks as relief flooded his system.

“ _Hey, don’t cry, Yura. I’m not leaving._ ”

“I – I know. I mean – I didn’t – I – I just thought you would h-hate me.”

“ _Never, Yura. Never_ ”

Otabek waited patiently as Yuri tried to stop crying, speaking to him softly, making sure the younger understood that Otabek would always be his friend.

 

After Yuri had calmed down, they talked a bit longer until Yuri saw his friend yawn. They bid their good nights and promised to skype the following day. Only when Otabek hung up did Yuri notice how cold his bath water had gotten and with heavy limbs from crying, h slowly climbed out of the tub.

He did not bother putting on a shirt. It was hot and neither Yakov nor Lilia would be around to see him anyways. They were in their rooms doing god knows what. Yuri did not want to know.

Silently, he walked into the kitchen and got himself some dinner. Crying had exhausted him even more, so he did not really know what he was eating. He was sure there was usually more taste in whatever Lilia had cooked but tonight it just tasted like cardboard.

He left the plate on the dinner table and sneaked back into his room, where he let himself fall onto the bed.

He plugged his phone in to charge and shut off the lights, when he saw one final message from Otabek for the night.

He fell asleep with his phone clutched in his hand, the screen of his phone still on.

His heart a ton lighter.

 

**From: Beka [10.30 pm]**

♥

 

_Yuri was in Barcelona on the back of Otabek’s bike. He knew the road they were driving down. He knew their destination, but they were in no rush._

_Yuri did not know long they were driving, but it did not matter. He was floating, pressed against Otabek’s warmth with his arms around his waist._

_When the bike stopped, Otabek slid out of Yuri’s grasp but only to help him down the bike with the warmest smile._

_Soon, they were climbing the stairs of Park Guell, Otabek still holding Yuri’s hand in his big, warm one._

_Everything was so similar to the day they became friends. The seagulls were crying in the distance, the park itself was silent. The sun was starting to set._

_Yet, everything was different._

_Otabek cupped Yuri’s cheek, his warm thumb caressing his cheek bone. His warm brown eyes seemed to twinkle with adoration and looked deep into Yuri’s soul._

_Otabek opened his mouth, his lips forming three words that Yuri could not hear, but still understand._

_Yuri closed his eyes as Otabek came nearer. Their lips were almost touching as the wind echoed Otabek’s confession._

_Mere millimetres separated them._

_Yuri could feel Otabek’s warm breath on his lips._

_Any moment their lips would touch._

Yuri woke with a start. His face felt hot.

His mind was full of soft lips, whispered confessions, sunsets, big, warm hands holding his.

The truth hit Yuri like a truck.

He was in love with Otabek Altin.

This was probably Viktor and Yuuri’s fault. Somehow. They infected him with their gross behaviour.

To stop him from being able to concentrate so that they could win the GPF.

Because he was in love with his best friends, his concentration sucked and his heart was more successful than him with his routines.

This was the reason why the thought of Mila by Otabek’s side had hurt him so deeply.

His dream had been both answer and question to his dilemma.

Without checking the time, without getting up, without pushing his cat off of his stomach, Yuri opened FaceTime and called his best friend.

Otabek picked up immediately and Yuri did not wait for his greetings.

“You can’t go out with Mila!”, he almost yelled into the phone.

He woke Mischa, who looked at him with disdain and hopped off him and the bed to find a place where her human would not disrupt her bauty sleep.

Otabek raised a brow.

“ _Good morning to you, too, Yuri. What’s going on?_ ”, he asked and Yuri felt his face flushing.

His heart started doing somersaults.

“I don’t know if she already texted you, but please don’t go out with Mila.”, he begged.

“ _She contacted me, yes. But I told her I was not interested in dating her._ ”, Otabek smiled at him.

“Good.”, Yuri decided.

He was such an asshole. What if Beka wanted to be with Mila? Who was he to deny his best friend his happiness.

“I mean, if you really liked her, I’d want you two to be happy and all that shit… but you’re not? Interested I mean.”

“ _No, Yuri. I’m not interested in her. What’s going on?_ ”, his friend was confused.

“I’ve been feeling really weird lately. Really weird about you. Like, I feel stupid things when you give me compliments or when I notice how much you’ve inspired me. I don’t want to share you with anyone and you’re so important to me, I can’t even grasp it. I’m in love with you, Beka.” He was out of breath from his speech and he saw Otabek smile at him fondly, almost like in his dream.

“ _I figured._ ”

“You knew?”

“ _I had a feeling. And Mila mentioned something._ ”

“So? What do you say?”

“ _My answer, for the time being, is I can’t accept your feelings. I don’t want to do this over the phone, Yura.”,_ his voice carried finality.

”But-“

“ _Not now. Please. We’ll talk about this in the future. I don’t want this to influence our friendship.”_

Yuri swallowed the bitterness, but he knew that Otabek would not let this matter be discussed any further.

Instead he sighed and told Otabek about his practice yesterday, leaving out for whom he had skated in his mind.

 

They did not speak about Yuri’s confession again.

 


	2. April 2018

_Wednesday Afternoon_

It had been over half a year since Yuri’s confession.

They had not talked about it again. Not on the phone. Not through texts.

Not when they spent the day before last year’s GPF driving around Marseille and going sightseeing.

Yuri had gotten bronze last season, placed behind Viktor and Yuuri. Otabek was fourth. He and Yuri had tied, but because Yuri had gotten more points in his Free Programme, he was on the podium.

Otabek had loved his performances, especially his Short Programme, and was quite vocal about it. He said it fit him. In his eyes Yuri was not only a soldier but a fairy, as well. He had explained that there was not one without the other, which is why he really enjoyed seeing both of those sides in his programmes.

If he had noticed how Yuri had changed the ending of his Free Programme to the same steps as the final ones in Otabek’s skate the year before, he did not say anything.

His practice for this season, his very last with Yakov and Lilia, had already started but was paused for _the_ social gathering of the skater’s community that year:

Viktor Nikiforov and Yuuri Katsuki’s beach wedding in Hasetsu.

Everyone was going to be there. Even JJ and Isabella, although they would not come together. They were still friends, but apparently JJ had broken up with her, because his anxieties had gotten worse and had led to injury, which led to him being out of commission halfway through the season. He had told her he needed time to get his act back together that she did not deserve to be pulled down by him like that.

While she was sad, she could not help him, she was also aware that he was right. He needed time to pick himself up, she was going to give him the time.

Yuri had never felt so much respect for either of them. Not that he would ever admit it.

After the banquet of the GPF, Yuri had given Otabek his medal, claiming he had deserved it more than Yuri had. His best friend did not want to accept the gift, and was about to give it back to him when Yuri just grinned at him. He told him he could give it back when he came as his date to Viktor and Yuuri’s wedding.

Otabek had laughed silently, but had not rejected Yuri.

Which is why the young skater was pacing up and down the small room he got in the Katsuki inn. Otabek was staying in a hotel in a town not far away and would pick him up to drive him to the secluded area on the beach, that had been closed off today for the occasion.

Yuri knew they still had time, but he wanted to be there as soon as possible. He was one of Viktor’s groomsmen and even he was not shitty enough to be late to the wedding.

He was about to send of a text to Otabek, when his phone chimed showing him that Otabek had uploaded a picture on Instagram.

Otabek, the guy who usually only updated his Instagram when his sister got hold of his phone and posted in his name, had uploaded a picture.

Not only that he had tagged Yuri in the post as well.

Disregarding the hair brush he had picked up in his nervous pacing he took his phone and opened the app.

 

**otabek-altin posted an image**

Ready to pick up my date _@yuri-plisetsky_ #ViktuuriWedding #WeddingoftheYear

 

Otabek had taken a selfie of himself in the tux he was wearing for the wedding. He was leaning on his bike, the wind had already started dishevelling his hair. Otabek was lucky, Yuri thought, he only had to run his fingers through his hair to get it back to perfect. Not that the dishevelled look did not suit Otabek.

The dishevelled look suited especially the smirk Otabek threw to the camera, his eyes hidden by his sun glasses.

Forcing the flutter of his heart Yuri had started associating with his best friend.

Keeping his mind as far away from the feelings he harboured for Otabek, Yuri scrolled down to read through the comments. The post already had several confused comments from Yuri’s Angels.

Mila’s comment, however, was the first one to be displayed to him.

**_@mila-babicheva_ ** _commented: otabek more like otabae_

The hag just could not leave Otabek alone it seemed. After he told her he was not interested in dating her she continued to bug him. Otabek always said he was reading too much into it; Mila was just being friendly.

Still, Yuri could not stop himself from commenting, as well.

**@ _yuri-plisetsky_ ** _commented: get your own date @mila-babicheva_

 

He knew he still had about a few minutes until Otabek would get to the inn to pick him up, so he sat down and braided his hair back, combining two braided strands into one thick braid that lay over his shoulder.

It was no secret Otabek liked it when Yuri had his hair braided and Yuri hoped he could get a compliment out of his best friend. The braid also had the pro that it would not be too horribly destroyed by the helmet or the wind on the bike.

He was just giving himself a final look over in the mirror when someone knocked on the door.

Otabek was there.

Yuri threw the door open and into Otabek’s arms.

They had seen each other the evening before, when they had stolen away from the rehearsal dinner in favour of circling around the rink in Hasetsu Ice Castle aimlessly.

Still Otabek had seen this greeting coming and even knew to excpect it, so he had no problem catching Yuri. His hands went to Yuri’s thighs holding him up. Seeing as Yuri had grown to be taller than Otabek in the past year it should probably not have been so easy to hold him up, Yuri mused, but on the other hand, he was still built more lean than anything else and Otabek was quite strong.

Yuri enjoyed his friend’s warm chuckles in his ears.

“One day will come a day where I won’t be able to catch you anymore, Yura.”

“As if. Even if that day comes, you’ll just have to get stronger, or get used to landing on the floor.”, Yuri grinned, tightening his grip on his friend for a minute before he let himself be let down again.

Yuri felt himself flush as Otabek’s eyes raked over him.

“You look beautiful tonight.”, he smiled and Yuri’s heart skipped a beat.

“Thank you. You’ve cleaned up quite nicely, too.”, Yuri hoped desperately that Otabek did not notice his voice shaking.

Otabek continued smiling warmly at Yuri, while he tried to think of what to say next.

“Let me just get my phone, then we can leave.”, he spun around grabbing his phone that was still plugged in. He would need a lot of battery for all the selfies tonight.

“Okay let’s go, I’ve got to make sure Chris doesn’t get the old man drunk before the ceremony.”, Yuri half-joked.

“As long as Katsuki isn’t the one drunk I’m sure we have nothing to worry about.”, Otabek went along with the joke.

Yuri groaned “Thanks for reminding me. I’ll probably check on Yuuri, too. I’m not sure what alcohol Yuuko and Phichit will give him to ‘calm his nerves’.”

“But you have to say, the image of him and Chris pole-dancing through the ceremony would be funny. I’m sure Viktor wouldn’t mind either.”, Otabek continued and grinned at Yuri.

Yuri’s mind was reeling. Otabek was _grinning_ at him. Sure he usually smirked at him and could be himself around Yuri. Yuri was one of the only people knowing a true Otabek smile after all, but this was the first time Otabek grinned.

Yuri tried calming his pulse while hiding his internal turmoil with a groan.

“Please don’t give them any ideas.”

Yuri hoped his braid would survive the helmet as he took it from Otabek and put it on.

 

The ride to the wedding venue was not far, but Otabek had insisted on picking Yuri up before the wedding. He had told Yuri that he was raised to pick up his dates before weddings.

Every time Otabek mentioned the word date, Yuri died a little inside.

Yuri gave back the helmet to Otabek, who put it away with his own.

Otabek’s hair was all over the place and Yuri hoped his had gotten through it all better.

He touched the braid with caution, trying to feel if any strands of hair had gotten lose under the helmet, while Otabek ran his fingers through his hair coaxing it into the intended hairdo.

“Your hair’s okay, Yura.”, he smiled at him and took his hand away from Yuri’s head into his own.

Yuri tried not to blush as he became hyper aware of their joined hands.

“Come on, I want to check on the Katsudon first.”, he pulled his best friend along, to the small building on the beach.

“I’ll wait right here for you.”, Otabek smiled as they reached the room in which Yuuri was getting ready.

“I’ll be right back.”, Yuri smiled back at Otabek despite his nervousness.

 

He was greeted by Phichit, who pointed the camera into his face as soon as he opened the door.

“Yuri! Come over and take a selfie with me!”, he demanded and pulled Yuri into the room.

The selfie they took together worked well on the first try, both of them being approved social-media users.

“Where’s the piggy?”, he asked when he found the room was empty except for Phichit.

“Rumour has it, the groom wants to sneak into this room to see him, so Yuuko brought Yuuri to a secret location.”, Phichit whispered to him conspirational.

Yuri hoped Phichit was just behaving like this because he was tired and not drunk. On the other hand, better a drunk Phichit than Yuuri.

“He’s in the bathroom, isn’t he?”

Without waiting for Phichit’s answer, Yuri went to the included bathroom and knocked.

“Yuuko? Katsudon? You in there? It’s Yuri, I came to check on you.”

“Are you alone?”, Yuuko’s voice came from inside and Yuri sighed “Yes.”

“Alright, come in.”

The bathroom door swung open and Yuuko already pulled Yuri inside. As soon as he was inside, she closed the door again and locked it.

“Yuriooooo, you came to check on me, that’s sooooo nice.”, Yuuri slurred a bit as a greeting.

Yuri sighed and looked at Yuuko, who was as exasperated as him it seemed.

“Phichit and him drank Champagne for breakfast. When I told them this might not be the best idea, they told me not to be such a spoil sport because I can’t.”, she gestured to her pregnant stomach “But he should be fine by the time the ceremony starts. At least this way we won’t have to take care of him running away to the rink out of anxiety.”

Yuri nodded, agreeing with her.

“Oi Katsudon, if you don’t get your head together for the ceremony, I’ll rip you a new one, got me?”

Yuuri looked at him with his eyes big behind his glasses.

“Yurio~, you _do_ care about me after all.”, sudden tears filled the groom’s eyes and he threw his arms around Yuri’s lean frame.

He glared at the man hugging him and patted his back awkwardly.

“Have him splash his face with cold water. I’ll have Phichit bring him a coffee. I’ll go check on the other idiot now.”, he told Yuuko and turned to Yuuri when he felt him pull on his sleeve.

“Can you give Viktor something from me?”, he asked and Yuri sighed.

“Alright, what is it?”

Yuri was not prepared for Yuuri holding his face and planting a kiss on him. His only luck was that in his surprise he had turned slightly and Yuuri’s aim was a bit off due to the alcohol, because instead of kissing him on his lips, Yuuri planted a very wet kiss on Yuri’s cheek.

With a screech Yuri flew out of the room, screaming at Phichit to get coffee for the groom.

 

“What’s up with you?”, Otabek asked as he saw Yuri’s wild expression.

“Katsudon’s tipsy and Yuuko’s working all by herself to get him normal again. Phichit’s drunk too. He’s getting coffee for them right now.”

“You look like someone tried to murder you.”, Otabek chuckled and Yuri felt heat flush his cheeks and ears.

“You could say that. Come on let’s go look for the other idiot.”, he pulled Otabek along with him by his hand until they reached the room in which the other groom was getting ready for the big ay, hopefully not drunk.

“Please come in with me.”, Yuri almost whined but Otabek shook his head.

“I’ll wait for you. If you need me yell.”

“Do you want me to start yelling right now all the time until I’m back out here again? Because that’s how you’ll get me yelling all the time.”, Yuri growled and Otabek laughed.

Before Otabek had the chance to say something else, Yuri threw open the door to Viktor’s room and announced his entrance.

 

He was happy to see that either Viktor and Chris were able to handle their liquor better than the other two, or had simply drunk less. Knowing them the first answer was more likely.

“Yurio~, how nice to see you.”, Viktor practically floated over to him and threw his arms around him.

“Come drink with us.”, he pulled Yuri over to where Chris was sitting. Plastic shot glasses were in front of them.

“Chris, will you get our dear little Yurio a glass, he’ll drink one with us.”

Chris stood up with a flourish and went over to where he seemed to keep a little bag.

“You do realise that I’m still minor right?”, Yuri asked Viktor.

“Don’t pretend you haven’t had a shot of Vodka in your life, Yurio. I’ve had enough celebratory Vodka that Yakov gave me after wins in my senior division time and I’m sure it’s the same for you.”, Viktor grinned at him.

“Don’t say it too loud. Lilia’s not supposed to know.”, Yuri grumbled.

 “Rubbish, she won’t hear you all the way to St. Petersburg.” Viktor almost sang.

Yuri knew Viktor was a fan of dramatics, but this really took the cake. The older skater was behaving like a Disney princess.

Before he could say anything else, a shot glass was put in front of him and Viktor filled it with a clear liquid. After that he filled his own and Chris’ glasses as well. Yuri saw the label of the bottle and saw it was a rather expensive branch.

“To the glorious day, my Yuuri and I will finally be united in holy matrimony.”, he sighed and lifted his glass.

Chris lifted his own and exclaimed “Viva!”

Yuri only lifted his glass and nodded and in unison the three shot back their shots.

Once the fluid had made its way to his stomach and Yuri had successfully suppressed a shudder, it started warming his body from the inside.

“So what brings you this way, Yurio. Don’t you have a date to entertain?”, Viktor wiggled his brows and Yuri tried to hide his blush with a scoff.

“I came to check up on you after I saw the piggy. He started celebrating the occasion with Phichit and the two of them had a bit too much. Yuuko assures me, Yuuri’ll be back to normal at the ceremony though. So I came to check on you, as well. You should probably lay off drinking more though. Wouldn’t want to get wasted if I were you.”, Yuri shrugged.

Viktor nodded seriously and took the bottle away. Chris whined at him and Viktor only winked at him, probably promising to take the bottle out again as soon as Yuri had left.

“That’s so kind of you, Yurio~. Who knew the Ice Tiger of Russia had a heart after all? Did the Hero of Kazakhstan finally melt it?”

“Shut up!”, he yelled and stood up.

“I’m only joking, Yuri.”, Viktor smiled at him. “You should really get back to Otabek though, I’m sure he’ll be bored without you.”

Yuri nodded. He was about to step to the door and leave when he remembered what he had hoped to forget.

“Yuuri asked me to give you a kiss. I’m not gonna do it though, so you’ll have to make do with me telling you.”, he shrugged.

He had his back to Viktor and Chris so he did not see what happened next. He only knew that suddenly Chris had him in a tight hold and Viktor walked towards him, his eyes filled with mischief.

“He’ll only let you go when you completed your delivery.”, he grinned.

“Let go of me you fucking idiot!”, Yuri tried kicking and screaming to get out of Chris’ grip. But even if he had grown over the past two years, he was no match against the older man.

Suddenly Chris’ hand was way too close to Yuri’s hair and the teenager stilled. He did not want to get through the hassle of doing it again.

“I’ll ruffle your hair if you don’t do it.”, Chris was grinning, Yuri could hear it in his voice.

“Alright, alright. At least let me go, jackass.”, Yuri almost hissed and Chris’ hands went away from him. He still had no way to escape though, so he just sighed and pulled Viktor down to him so he could plant a kiss on Viktor’s cheek.

Then he shoved the other man away and stormed out of the room.

 

When he saw Otabek he threw himself into his arms.

“That bad?”

“You have no idea.”

Yuri and Otabek waited outside as slowly the room in which the reception was going to be held in filled with friends and family of the couple.

Otabek had gone to say hi to Leo when Yuri was suddenly approached by his sworn enemy JJ. They had not seen each other since last season when an unfortunate fall at his first event, Skate America, had caused him to pull out of the season early due to a ligament rupture.

JJ looked exhausted, the rings under his eyes deep. If he were anyone else, Yuri would ask if JJ was fine, but he was too proud to make that step towards the Canadian.

“Hello Yuri.”

“What do you want?” Yuri knew he was lacking the usual fire behind his voice, but he could see that JJ was not feeling his best and even he was a decent enough person to not be too hostile.

“I just wanted to ask how you were?”, JJ showed him a tired smile.

“I’m doing good, I guess. And you?”

“Could be better. I should be back to training soon. I know I won’T make it for this season, but if everything goes according to plan I should be back next season.”

JJ looked different. Yuri had grown to know him as a sometimes overly confident skater, who knew how to pick a fight with him. He was a shell of his old self. The injury must have hit him harder than Yuri had guessed.

“Sounds good. I want to fight you on even ground when I next kick your ass.”

JJ showed a subdued smile and sighed. He looked over to where Isabella was standing with Mila and Sara.

“She would take you back any day, you know that, right?”, Yuri could not help but ask. It was none of his business, but he almost cared about JJ.

“Yeah… it’s just… I don’t know… I’m not myself at the moment and until I figured out who I am and what I want in live, I’m not going to be the person she fell in love with.”

“I’m sure she loves you regardless, if she fell in love with your shitty personality, she’ll probably stick to your side.”, Yuri shrugged.

“I just… don’t deserve her, I guess. Until I’m back on track I can’t do that to her. I need to figure out where I’ll go, she doesn’t need me pull her down.” JJ sounded so beat that Yuri seriously started to worry about him.

He did not know what to say, so, before he said anything to make it worse, he did not say anything. His gaze went over to where Otabek was smiling at something Leo had said and he wondered what he would do if he was in a position like JJ.

“He’s been happier.”, JJ said suddenly.

“What? Who?”

“Otabek. We’ve trained together in Vancouver for a couple of years. He was always this closed off, stoic person. He participated, went to dinner with us, but he was always very quiet. You’re good for him. That’s precious. He’s good for you, too. I can see it in your skating. Make sure you don’t let him go.”

And with that JJ left him standing near the entrance alone.

 

Alone with his thoughts.

 

Not much later everyone had gathered inside and sat down.

 

Yuri was going to walk in with Yuuko, before Phichit and Chris.

As the music, a piano version of the song ‘Stay by Me’, started playing and the doors opened, Yuuko put her arm in his and together they walked down the aisle, parting at the front where they stepped to the side, so Phichit and Chris as the best men could stand in front of them.

When the four were settled Viktor and Yuuri came walking in, only having eyes for each other and holding hands. They were, as so often, in their own little world.

Yuri was looking at them, but when they passed the second row, in which Otabek sat between Leo and JJ, Yuri’s gaze got stuck on his best friend.

His friend was looking at Yuuri and Viktor, obviously happy for them.

His eyes stayed on Otabek as the ceremony began.

Yuri only paid half a mind to the ceremony. He knew he should probably pay attention to what was happening in front of him, but he could not tear his eyes away from Otabek. He only hoped no one noticed him staring at his best friend instead of watching Viktor and the Katsudon get married.

He tuned in and out of the wedding, experiencing it through the reactions of his best friend. He knew someone must have said something funny when Otabek laughed and watched his expression turn soft at something that must have been mushy and gross, knowing Viktor and Katsudon.

 

Yuri started to tune in again into what was happening when it was time for Viktor’s vows.

“Yuuri Katsuki, on this day it’s been two years since I came to Japan after seeing you skate my programme. I don’t you think how much you changed my life with that video. It’s no secret I’d already pined for you since the banquet of the GPF the year before. Chris and Yurio have told you enough stories from then. But I don’t think you know how much you’ve changed my life since then.  
Before I met you, all I knew was skating. My life consisted of nothing but the ice. Of course I had friends on and off the ice, even some relationships here and there.”

“But no one made me feel the way you did. When I saw your video I had been struggling with keeping my inspiration up for a season already. I had no ways to surprise anyone anymore. But you changed my life.”

Yuri’s heart stopped when Otabek’s gaze caught his. He had been caught staring at his best friend, but he could not look away.

“Seeing you on the ice, coaching you, skating with you and against you filled me with a new inspiration. You could say you were my muse. But you were so much more. I had not spent a lot of time before meeting you thinking about my life and love. I loved and lived on the ice and for a long time that was enough. It’s not anymore. And after you finally got me a gold medal to kiss I’m so incredibly happy that we finally are here today. I’ve known for some time now that I want to spend every day I have left on this planet, however long that may be, together with you.”

Yuri’s cheeks felt wet and he only realised then how deep Viktor’s words hit him. How deep they resonated within him.

Otabek smiled at him warmly, as if he knew exactly what Yuri was thinking.

“I love you, Yuuri Katsuki and I plan to never let you go.”

The tension inside him was too much to bear, so Yuri, for the first time during the ceremony, looked away from Otabek and to the happy couple, to see Viktor kiss the golden ring that had been on Yuuri’s finger since Barcelona.

 

Yuri’s attention again got taken away when Chris’ hand and the handkerchief he held out to him came into his vision. With a not so honest scowl he took it and dabbed away the tears on his face.

He only hoped that no one but Otabek and Chris had noticed him crying. He had a reputation to lose.

After Yuuri had talked about how long he had been a fan f Viktor’s and how if someone had told him that he would not only coached by Viktor, but would also be marrying him he would have told them they were kidding, amongst other things, it was time for the ‘I do’s and rings and kisses.

 

Yuri did not look back to Otabek once.

 

After Viktor and Yuuri had left the room hand in hand to move on to the room in which the reception was held, this room emptied until only Otabek and Yuri remained.

Yuri could not explain it, but he could feel tears start to fill his eyes again.

Otabek must have sensed it, because all of a sudden his arms were around Yuri, who all but collapsed into him.

When Yuri had finished and the two went over to the other room, Yuri got his cell phone out to check his social media. Mila had tagged him in a photo. He opened the app and was taken to the picture immediately.

It was a picture of him at the ceremony in profile. He was looking at something, or as he knew someone, off camera. His eyes were gleaming with unshed tears.

 

**mila-babicheva posted an image**

What’s got _@yuri-plisetsky_ so awestruck? #IBetItsHisDate #SmittenKitten #LookAtHImTryingtoStealTheSpotlight #TheShipIsSailing #ViktuuriWedding #WeddingoftheYear

 

“That’s a very nice picture Mila took of you.”, Otabek murmured into his ear and Yuri could feel the heat creep up his neck.

Quickly, before Otabek could read the caption, Yuri put away his phone again.

“Well it’s got me in it, so what did you expect.”, Yuri responded, because he did not know what else he could say.

“Of course. Please remind me to ask her to forward it to me.”, Otabek smiled at him and put his arm around his shoulders while they walked to the other room.

 

The party turned out to be a monster, just as it was to be expected.

Chris had somehow gotten not one, but two poles that somehow appeared in the room at the end of his speech. Of course, Yuuri had to indulge him and join him for another go.

Other than that, there was enough alcohol drunk to make most party-goers more than tipsy. Most guests were skaters and had looked forward to an opportunity to escape their strict diets.

The only people abstaining were the pregnant Yuuko, her triplets, surprisingly enough JJ and Yuri and Otabek.

 

That was until Viktor and Yuuri roped him into drinking with them with the simple sentence

“The inn isn’t that far and I’m sure your Yuri wouldn’t mind sharing.” Cue a wink from Viktor and Yuri’s very red face.

When exactly he had become Otabek’s Yuri he did not know. But he was not Yurio anymore so he was not one to complain.

Otabek looked over to him, unsure, as if to ask if it was really okay.

“Don’t worry, it’s okay. Go drink with them. We can get your bike tomorrow morning.”

And with that Otabek let himself be dragged away from Yuri to drink with the two grooms and several others.

Yuri, from his seat, watched as Otabek had three shots before stopping. He stayed with the others for a bit longer, chuckling at something Viktor said to him.

 

Before long, Otabek returned to his side. Viktor and Yuuri were back to dancing with each other, again in their little own world.

Yuri wanted to dance with Otabek, too. But he did not know how to ask and it would be nice if Otabek asked him.

But it seemed like his best friends had other plans, because he stayed sitting next to Yuri talking with him throughout the evening. Not that Yuri complained. He liked spending time with his best friend aside from competitions and skype calls.

But moments like these left a bitter taste in his mouth, that reminded him again and again that he had confessed to Otabek and had still not gotten an answer.

 

And so they stayed where they were. Not dancing.

Yuri participated in the flower toss, even if he was very vocal about what he thought of the tradition.

Surprising to actually no one, the bouquet made its way into Isabella’s hands. JJ was not there to see it though.

The party went on and it was fun, if Yuri was honest. Just not exactly what he had hoped it would be when Otabek had agreed to be his date.

His eyes were drooping around 1 am, the two grooms had already parted to go spend their wedding night in a hotel near the airport in the next town, from where they would leave for their honeymoon on Barbados the next morning.

Otabek must have noticed, because he stood up and asked Yuri if he wanted to go home. Yuri, just hardly suppressed a yawn and let himself be pulled around the room to say their goodbyes.

They walked along the beach together in companionable silence. Yuri was a bit cold and voiced it, but Otabek, instead of giving Yuri his jacket like he had hoped, only told him they were going to be at the inn soon and there it would be warmer.

 

Like Otabek had said, they soon reached the inn and after both got ready for the night, they shared Yuuri’s old bed, Yuri scooted to the wall. They bid their goodnights and Yuri was not sure he could sleep, because he was so aware of Otabek’s warmth in the bed with him.

He thought the other did not have the problem and had fallen asleep but after Otabek had whispered his name into the dark, Yuri was sure this was not the case.

He did not answer his best friend, pretending to be asleep.

Suddenly Otabek pulled him into his chest and hugged him.

“Someday, when you and I are ready, I promise, I’ll give you the answer you deserve.”, he whispered.

Yuri felt a lump in his throat that he was desperately trying to swallow down.

When he felt Otabek softly kiss his nose, he lost the battle he was fighting and all waters broke.

Instead of pushing him away, Otabek pulled Yuri into his arms further and embraced him closely, as the younger sobbed and cried. Until his tears were dry.

 

Some time, well into the morning hours, they fell asleep.

 

In the morning neither mentioned it.  


	3. September 2018

_Tuesday around noon_

The season was just starting and, even though he was no fan of interviews, Yuri had gotten a request for one this year. Lilia had said it was important to please his fans, so he had to do it.

The only positive thing was, that Otabek was going to have a similar interview a couple of days later. At least he was not alone in this.

Lilia had sent Mila and Viktor on a shopping spree with Yuri to pick out an outfit that was professional and deviated from his usual fashion style. According to her, leopard print had not a good effect when it came to public relations.

They dressed him in a boring green sweater and boring black slacks. They did allow him to wear leopard print socks at least and he was sure that he would flash his socks during the interview.

And so it was time to go to the hotel room in which the interview was to be held. Yuri knew it was one of the posher places in St. Petersburg and the red velveteen armchairs only proved his point.

A friendly woman, small with short, blonde hair greeted him and started talking to him while the cameras and microphones were set up. She introduced herself as Anna and said she always did that to warm the celebrities up before the cameras rolled.

Yuri reminded her that he was only an ice skater not Lady Gaga, at which she laughed and explained to him that Yuri’s Angels thought differently.

“We’re ready to go now.”, the camera woman told Anne and she smiled at Yuri.

“You ready?”, she asked and Yuri answered with a shrug.

The interview started and Yuri noticed that it was indeed easier to talk with her like this. She asked questions about the prior season, about Viktor and Yuuri’s wedding, about his friendship with Otabek. Yuri thought he did well, cursing less than he usually would and trying to be civil.

“What are your plans for this season?”

“Gold at the Grand Prix Final, of course. This will be my last season with my coaches and we’re trying to get the best out of it. This year’s theme is goodbyes.”, he answered.

“There are rumours that your Free Skate is choreographed as an homage to Viktor and Yuuri Nikiforov-Katsuki. Is that true?”

“I hate to admit it, but sort of? These two inspired my growth in the past two years a lot and now they’re both gone from competitive skating. It’s my way to say goodbye, I guess. There haven’t been many people in my live who helped me with my skating as much as those two idiots. The Short Programme on the other hand is a sort of goodbye to my coaches, because they’re retiring. These four people made me the skater I am today and I suppose it’s time for a thank you. I’m not one to say it out loud, so I hope they’ll realise it.”, he answered truthfully. Since their wedding, he had grown more comfortable about acknowledging the impact these people had on his life, partly thanks to Otabek.

“Speaking of your coaches retiring, there’s another rumour going on that Viktor and Yuuri Nikiforov-Katsuki will coach you next season, can you say anything about that?”

“That’s just a rumour. I haven’t really thought further than the GPF, to be honest. I’ll see when that is over. For now, the two are enjoying their newfound free time together, as far as I know.”

“But it is a possibility?”

“We haven’t talked about it, I haven’t even thought about it, to be honest, so I can’t really say anything about that.”, Yuri shrugged.

“Okay, I see our time is almost up, but we’ve got time for one question left: Where do you see yourself in five years?”, Anne asked.

At the question Yuri’s stomach filled with ice and the feeling of impending doom crept up his spine. He hated that question. He was 17, why was everyone expecting him to have a clear idea about his future.

“I don’t really think about that a lot, to be honest. I’m more of a person to live in the now. But in five years I’ll be 22 and I hope I’ll still be competing. I don’t really know.”

“Of course, you will. Your fans would like to know about your private life. Do you see yourself with a girlfriend? Or maybe even a wife? Starting a family?”, Anne prodded and Yuri had the urge to flee.

Right, the media thought Otabek and him were best friends, bros for life. He did not know, what he would do, if they insinuated that there was more between the two of them.

“Like I said, I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about the future. I hope the people close to me right now will still be in my life at the time, but other than that I don’t know. If I’ll have a steady partner or not is hard to say now. Five years are very long after all.”

“Alright, thank you, Yuri Plisetsky for your time.”, she smiled at him and turned to the camera “Tune in again next week around this time when we’ll be in Kazakhstan, interviewing Otabek Altin.”

Half an hour later, Yuri had said goodbye to the interviewer and her camera woman and was in the metro, on his way to the ballet studio, his hoodie up over his head.

After he arrived at his destination, he was greeted by Lilia, who yelled at him to hurry and change, because they did not have all day.

Yuri’s thoughts were still will the interview as he let the ballet instructor bend him even further into positions that had become more and more uncomfortable with his growth over the years. He was still more flexible than any other skater competing in the senior division, so why bother.

Growing was a literal pain. Only because of the way Yakov and Lilia strenuously worked him was Yuri able to keep up the quality of his skating, but his hips and legs hurt even more than usually and the red marks on his thighs and hips glared at him angrily whenever he looked at himself in the mirror.

He was growing, becoming a man, but what was the price?

He would have to ask Viktor how he had handled it all in his youth the next time he saw him.

If his growing continued further, which according to his grandfather was possible because his father had been even taller than Viktor or Chris, he had no idea to deal with it when Yakov and Lilia had retired the next year.

Not only that, Lilia had told him he could live with her until he found a place of his own, but she encouraged him to find something. As far as Yuri knew, Yakov was not put on the street by the old hag.

He had been honest when he said he did not think about the future a lot. The thought of everything changes next season filled him with anxiety and distracted him from the season in front of him.

He knew, he had to start looking for a place, a new coach, maybe even a new rink and ballet studio.

He had to deal with that first before there was any room for romance in his life, he told himself, even though a real answer from Otabek would at least lessen the anxiety in that part of his life.

Yuri knew he was not a pleasant person, even if he had calmed down during the past years, but if his best friend did not want to be in a relationship with him, even if he might reciprocate his feelings, who would?

His body was on auto-pilot as he did what Lilia’s voice told him to. It felt a bit like in his first year working with her. Only then he actually concentrated on the movement. He was glad he did not right now, because he could already feel his back ache again.

She let him back to the rink soon, telling him that he had done good. But she could tell his mind was somewhere else.

If he had mellowed the last year, Lilia had almost become a different person. She was almost soft, cutting him some slack. Maybe it had something to do with how tired she looked nowadays, Yuri thought.

Being an adult must be exhausting.

Being at the rink was also a bit less stressful than last year. Yakov was focusing a lot more on Mila that year, because she had serious chances of getting gold.

Not that Yuri did not, but he had choreographed his programmes himself that year.

The idea of his theme had come to Yuri after Yuuri had gotten gold last year and him and Viktor had announced their retirement together. He knew, he was not good expressing his thoughts by words so he thought it would be a nice idea to try show them through his skating.

That was why he had chosen the song ‘Yuri on Ice’ for his Free Skate after he tracked down the composer and asked her if it was okay with her to use her piece for his skating. The choreography he had put together was a combination of Viktor and Yuuri’s skates of the past, which had taken a lot of research.

He was lucky that Phichit Chulanot had a lot of material of Yuuri’s skates and was able to introduce him to Kenjirou Minami, because the other skater had also a lot of pictures and videos of Yuuri’s performances.

Viktor’s choreographies were easy to include, not because of the high level they had, but because he was very familiar of his style, from watching him all those years.

He had talked to a designer about his costumes and he would perform with his hair in a ponytail with a lilac flower crown around his head. His costume was a bit like Yuuri’s in his first GPF, only in lilac.

He skated through the choreography in his own corner, careful not to strain himself too much in the beginning of his practice. His new body had caused him to under rotate his jumps, so instead of triples he jumped doubles for now, making the quads into triples as well. He would work on the jumps later.

His step sequences had to speed up as well, he noticed as he skated through one that had been in the ‘Yuri on Ice’ performance that had broken Viktor’s world record.

He finished with the same steps as Viktor’s solo version of ‘Stay Close to Me’.

Yakov was talking with Mila, Georgi was skating in another corner.

No one had seen.

 That was good.

The others had seen his skates and never failed to tease him about it, which had almost caused him to change his programme.

Only because Otabek had talked him out of it by telling him this was not about them, but about Yuuri and Viktor and that Yuri should skate for them had Yuri decided to stick with this programme.

Yuri had been prepared for his coaches’ retirement for over a year now, but when Yakov and Lilia had sat him down earlier this year and had told him, he decided that this fit into his theme quite well and had gone to even more thorough research.

Lilia’s first big role at the Bolshoi had been the Odette in Swan Lake. Incidentally, Yakov had won a gold medal in his youth to a programme for ‘Pas de Deux’ from the same ballet.

His Short Programme was thus choreographed to this song. The features of the choreography were leaning more towards ballet, but of course fulfilled all the requirements for ice skating.

His mind set as he skated through this choreography was back to his 15-year-old self, using his beauty as a weapon, as Lilia had taught him. The way a stretched his body was now more uncomfortable than back then, but he pushed through.

His costume would be something white with faux feathers and his hair would probably be up in a braided bun.  

Yakov and Lilia had seen the choreography, but never with music. When Yuri practiced it to the music, he used headphones. He wanted it to be a bit of a surprise to them.

The only one who knew what he would skate to was Otabek, who had helped him in his research.

The afternoon practice went on fine, he got through his jumps better, which made him happy.

When Yakov asked them to watch as Mila skated through her Free Programme, Yuri watched her closely and gave her pointers afterwards.

Before he went back on the ice, he pulled out his phone and checked his messages. Viktor had sent him a picture of Heidelberg castle with the caption.

 

**From: Viktor [1.37 pm]**

_It’s really nice here!_

_You should visit one day, too._

_There’s life off the ice, you know?_

 

Yuri had no idea why, but Viktor kept telling him that a lot since his retirement.

He knew there was life off the ice.

But he also knew, that the one thing Viktor regretted about his career was that he took so long to appreciate that life. Maybe the old man did not want Yuri to have the same regrets?

What the old man had to learn though, was that Yuri was not him and would not take the place he had in the skating world for granted. Not that Viktor ever did that either.

But Yuri was happy that Viktor and Yuuri now had time to really travel around and get to know the places they should now but did not have the time to properly visit, as well as the places they did not know.

 

**To: Viktor [4.58 pm]**

_Bring me a souvenir_

He read the rest of his messages from Minami, Phichit and Guang Hong. When he looked up again from his phone, he heard Yakov tell Georgi to get ready for his Free skate and went quickly clicked on the conversation with Otabek to see the other had send him a photo of him lifting heavy weights.

 

**From: Beka [2.15 pm]**

_Just so you know, I could lift you up like this._

_It’s not even that heavy._

_Sorry, I’m just boasting. You might be flexible but can you do this?_

_How did the interview go?_

He went to stand by Mila to watch Georgi skate and quickly responded.

 

**To: Beka [5.03 pm]**

_yeah, yeah, i get it ur big and strong._

_the interview went fine_

_the lady doin it is actually nice_

_but she wanted to talk and that just sucks rn so yeah_

 

He kept his phone in his hand but as the music started he kept his eyes on his rink mate. Georgi had made a lot of progress the past two years and Yuri thought he would be serious competition this season.

Georgi was halfway through his programme when Yuri saw him butch the onset of a jump, which made him cringe. That cannot have been nice on his knees.

Georgi skated without music so when he landed a horrifying crack went through the rink as his knee gave out under him. He crashed onto the ice and for a moment there was silence.

What happened next was absolute chaos. Yakov rushed to his injured skater Mila sent Yuri to look for his phone.

When Yakov yelled at them to call an ambulance, Yuri felt sick.

He busied himself by looking through the other skater’s bag while Mila first called an ambulance and then the team’s physician to tell him where to meet them.

Yuri finally found the phone and dialled the Georgi’s wife’s number. The woman was pragmatic and sounded calm as she asked where they would bring Georgi and when to meet them there.

Her calm voice calmed Yuri down.

Yakov went with Georgi in the ambulance when it came and Lilia took Mila and Yuri.

On the backseat of her car, he sent a panicked text message to Otabek

 

**To: Beka [5.26 pm]**

_please take care of urself_

_dont get hurt skating_

 

He was not stupid. Georgi’s fall just now might have just ended his career. He was not young for an ice skater and even if he recovered by the next season, he was unlikely to come back, especially under a new coach.

Yuri was aware how quick injuries could end careers. They could happen at any time. To any one.

When he had watched JJ’s fall on television that thought had been there the first time, but watching it happen real life, made him aware of the fact of how important their bodies were.

He had never been afraid of falling and injuring himself, confident in his body. But his body had started to betray him by changing and growing and while Yuri knew this was only temporary, the fear and anxiety almost choked him.

He had said he wanted to still be skating in five years, but what if he fell and hurt himself too. What if this was the end?

The ice was the only thing connecting him to his friends and Otabek. If there was no life on the ice, what would he do without them.

 

**To: Beka [5.28 pm]**

_i dont want to hurt myself_

_i dont want to stop skating_

_i love skating_

_what if I fall_

_what if it all ends_

_skating is all I can do?_

_What will I do without it?_

“Yuri, is everything okay?”, Mila asked suddenly and Yuri looked up from his phone.

“Huh?”

“You’re as white as a sheet and you’re shaking.”

“Yeah, I’m just… I don’t know. I’m worried for Geogri, I guess.”, he lied and even if that was true, to some extent, he was sure this was not why he was distraught.

Mila smiled at him sadly.

“Me too. Be sure to tell him though, I’m sure it will cheer him up a bit that you care.”

 

**From: Beka [5.30 pm]**

_What’s wrong?_

_Do you want me to call?_

_Is this about the interview?_

_I’m getting really worried_

**To: Beka [5.31 pm]**

_i guess a bit?_

_i mean ive been thinking about the future stuff all day bc the interview_

_but georgi just_

_doesnt look good from yakovs face_

_fucked up a jump and his knee just gave out when he landed_

_just thinking about it makes me sick_

_could we maybe talk on the phone later?_

_or do you have to get up early 2morrow bc of the interview?_

**From: Beka [5.33 pm]**

_Call me when you’re at home._

**To: Beka [5.34 pm]**

_will do_

**From: Beka [5.35 pm]**

**♥**

Yuri then sent a message to Viktor explaining what had happened to his ex-rinkmate.

Yakov and their physician Alexei were already in the waiting room, discussing probably Georgi. Both had grim expressions and Yuri found his earlier assumption confirmed: Georgi’s career was over.

His wife had just gotten in, when the doctor called for her and Yakov.

While she followed the doctor a few moments later, Yakov came over to Mila and Yuri and explained to them that Georgi had broken his kneecap at the landing and the fall caused the rupture of several ligaments and muscles.

Georgi’s return to the ice was very unlikely.

The rest of the hospital visit was like white noise to Yuri. They visited Georgi, bringing him flowers and a red and a yellow stuffed cat from the hospital shop.

Georgi was under pain medication, but his wife promised to tell him that they brought gifts when he was lucid enough.

His drugged friend was even able to get Yuri to hug him.

Several hours later he was sitting in his room, Lilia had allowed him to take the chicken she prepared for dinner with him.

He called Otabek and they talked about Otabek’s day. His best friend was able to take his mind off of the day he had and he almost forgot his anxiety. He had no idea how late it was when his eyes closed, he only knew that Otabek’s voice helped him fall asleep.

The following days, Yuri threw himself into training. It took his mind off of the future and of Georgi and of everything else that had happened.

He had no life off the ice.

He could tell Yakov and Lilia approved of his enthusiasm, but he also knew that Otabek and Viktor frowned upon it.

He totally forgot about interviews and so on until one evening he came home to Phichit and Minami both sending him a YouTube link.

The link brought him to the video of Otabek’s interview.

He let the video load because for the past few days the Wi-Fi at Lilia’s was shitty for some reason.

When the ten-minute video was loaded Yuri started watching it.

The interviewer started with pleasantries, asking Otabek how he was doing and so on.

Yuri inspected his best friend. He looked good. He wore black jeans and his trademark leather jacket over a black T-shirt, that Yuri had bought for him. It looked a lot like the sweater he had bought at his first visit to Hasetsu, only it had a bear on it instead of a tiger.

Yuri felt that Otabek had chosen that shirt because of him, because he usually was not the type to wear shirts like this, only indulging Yuri when he asked really nicely.

Yuri was reminded how ridiculously attractive his best friend was, when Otabek laughed at something the interviewer said. By the way his eyes were glinting with happiness and softness when he was talking about his family and how happy he was that he could see them every day.

The interview went on and Yuri listened as his friend talked about his plans for this season and of his training progress.

Towards the end of the interview the woman asked the same question to what she had asked Yuri in his interview.

“Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”

Otabek thought for a moment and then smiled slightly.

“Of course, it would be great to still be skating competitively in five years. It would be great to finally snatch a place on the podium, even though I don’t think I want to wait that long for that.

“I’m sure you’ll still be skating in five years.”, the interviewer, Anna Yuri remembered her name was, assured him.

“I hope I’ll get through the years without any major injuries. But even if I’m not, I hope I can be part of the competitive skater world alongside of my friends and rivals.”

“What about the private sector? I’m sure your mother would like to have some grandchildren by then? Do you think you’ll have a wife in five years?”, Anna asked and the thought of Otabek with a wife and children made Yuri feel sick.

“I’m not sure. But I don’t worry about this part of the future. I’m not really sure what I want in that direction and my mother knows that, so she tries to be patient with me in that regard. But I don’t really care, as long as my dearest friend is still by my side by then.”, the way Otabek smiled at his fingers made Yuri blush. He knew that smile and he knew that that was the smile Otabek often showed him.

“With your dearest friend you mean Yuri Plisetsky?”

“Yes. I’m not really sure about a lot of things about my future, off the ice and on the ice. But I know one thing for sure: I can’t imagine a future without him. He’s my best friend, my biggest rival and the person I care about most.” Otabek seemed to realise what he had just admitted because Yuri was able to see his cheeks turn red with a blush.

The interviewer looked like she wanted to ask more questions about this last statement, but she announced that their time was up and thanked Otabek for the interview.

The video ended with her telling her viewers that she would soon be in China to interview Guang Hong Ji and Leo de la Iglesia, who was visiting his friend during that time.

As soon as the video ended, Yuri was already texting his best friend.

**To: Beka [6.43 pm]**

_saw ur interview_

_need 2 talk 2 u_

_dont want 2 do this over text_

He only had to wait another 5 minutes until Otabek had read the message and his skype showed an incoming call.

“ _Hello Yura, what’s going on?”_ , he asked, looking worried.

“I just saw your interview. What was going on with the future thing?”, he asked.

“ _I just said what I thought. I hope I will still be competing and kicking butt together with you in five years, but you and I both know how quick this life style can change. All I know is that I still want to be by your side by then.”_ , Otabek said and Yuri felt a lump in his throat.

“Otabek, that sounds like…”, he trailed off and Otabek nodded.

“ _I know.”_

“So is this your answer…. To, y’know?”, Yuri asked, very unsure of himself.

“ _Can we do this in person the next time we see each other?”_ , Otabek asked and Yuri shook his head.

“No. I think I’ve waited long enough for your answer! I’m not stupid, you know. I have no idea why you rejected me or didn’t make a move but I don’t think you’re being fair to me. I don’t know a lot about the future or about life off the ice. I don’t even think about my life off the ice a lot. But whenever I do, all I can think about is you and I just can’t take this awkwardness anymore. Yeah, we’re good at pretending nothing has changed but it has and you know it and I know it. If you don’t like me more than your best friend then say so, but stop stringing me along and then proclaiming things like that over television interviews!”, he was aware that he was yelling.

“ _Yura, I really don’t want to do this like this. Can’t you wait until we see each other again at the NHK trophy this year?”_ , Otabek asked.

“No! I know it’s shitty to do this through skype but come on, Beka, I’ve waited long enough. I’ve been waiting for your real answer for over a year and we’ve only come close to talking about it once and even that doesn’t really count because you’re a coward and only opened the topic when I was pretending to fucking sleep!”, Yuri was getting angry.

_“I’m really sorry, Yura, I promise we’ll talk about it soon.”_

“No I want to talk about it now! I’ve made my feelings for you obvious, I’ve told you about them and you just blew me off. Like I said, if you just want to be friends then say so, but do it so I can fucking move on. This is all too much for me at the moment. Thinking about the future is so fucking scary and I don’t want to be filled with anxiety when I think about you, when I think about us. I’ve got so much to worry over and I just can’t see the silver lining.”, Yuri was aware his voice was about to break.

“ _I just don’t want to lose you. Can’t you understand that?”_

“Yes, I do understand that. You’re the only positive thing in my life right now, so I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t around right now. But even if you reject me, I’m not going to let you walk away from me. You’re my best friend and it will stay that way, no matter if you want more or not. I love you Otabek. And nothing will change that.”

“ _But what if we try more, what if we try to be together and it won’t work out? It’ll have to be long distance. I don’t think you want to leave St. Petersburg any less than I want to leave Almaty at the moment. We won’t be able to see each other a lot. That will be incredibly hard and what if it’s not like we imagined. I’d rather not have more than lose you.”_

“Did you just listen to me? No matter what happens you’ll always be my best friend. If it works out, if it doesn’t. You won’t lose me; I won’t lose you. This may be naïve but I don’t care. I have no idea how long distance relationships work, but I want to make it work. Call me a sap, call me a romantic, call me a soft kitten, I don’t care, I’ve got a feeling we’ll make this work and I want to try this out and I don’t care if I’m too young. The mere thought of being in a relationship with you just feels so right.”, Yuri did not even try to hide the fact that he was crying anymore.

Otabek looked at him and Yuri could see tears in his eyes, as well.

He sighed and closed his eyes for a minute.

“So, what do you say, Otabek?”

“ _I love you, Yuri. I have for a long time. I thought I’d get over it once I met you. I thought it would be enough if I just ended up being your friend. But no, I still love you. I love you more every day, with every single photograph, with every single text. Still, I’m so afraid of losing you and risking our friendship with my feelings that I decided not to act on my feelings. I thought it would be better this way. But there you go, getting your way. I’m also afraid of the future, of what will happen to me. You’re right though. Even if this doesn’t work out, I won’t let you go. I just want you to know, you won’t just be in my future. Yuri Plisetsky, you_ are _my future.”_

Again there was silence between the two of them. Yuri was surprised. When he had demanded an answer this was not what he had expected.

“Does that mean?”

“ _Yuri Plisetsky, do you want to be my boyfriend?”_

When Otabek Altin was woken up the next morning by his phone ringing, he picked it up. Later on, he would tell his boyfriend about how Viktor Nikiforov-Katsuki had threatened to cut his balls off if he ever hurt him and had given him ‘the Talk’.

Viktor Nikiforov-Katsuki’s mailbox exploded that day with profanities screamed into the phone by none other than Yuri Plisetsky, the Russian Ice Tiger.


	4. March 2019

_Friday Morning_

It was the morning of Yuri’s 18th birthday, when he woke up in Viktor and Yuuri’s guest room.

Yuri had moved in there a month ago, after finally agreeing to let Viktor coach him. Since then he had been living out of his suitcase and a few boxes.

Next week he would finally move into a smaller apartment in the same complex Viktor and Yuuri’s apartment was in.

Even though his grandfather, Yuuri and Viktor had all vouched for him, the landlady had not let him move in before his 18th birthday.

Everything worked fine, even his cat seemed comfortable in the apartment, forming an unlikely friendship with the couple’s poodle.

He had spent the evening before talking with his boyfriend over skype. Otabek had tried to stay up to congratulate him as it turned midnight, but he fell asleep around 11 pm, 2 am in Almaty.

Yuri could not help but mourn the fact that his boyfriend could not be by his side on his birthday. But Otabek was staying in Almaty and his coach had not allowed him the weekend off.

Otabek had told him he would stay up with him until the 1st, but Yuri knew that Otabek had gotten up early the day before and had to get up way too soon after he fell asleep, so he tried not to be too sad.

He sighed and stretched a last time in bed before he grabbed his phone to check his messages.

He had already gotten several birthday messages from Phichit, Minami, Leo, as well as other skaters who could not fly in for his birthday. Not that he had been the one to ask them to.

Yuuri had invited them all and seemed more upset about the fact that only a handful of their friends could make it than Yuri himself was.

 

**From: Beka [5.01 am]**

_Good morning!_

_Why did you not wake me?_

_Beka_ _♥ has sent you a video_

_Happy Birthday, Yura_

_I love you and I hope you have a wonderful time_

_Yuuri and Viktor will give you my gift._

_I hope you will like it_

_I’m sorry I can’t be there today_

_But I have to train if i want to keep standing on the podium with you._

His heart fluttered as he opened the video file. His boyfriend showed on his screen, clad in a black T-shirt, his eyes still tired, his hair a mess. He had clearly just gotten up.

He smiled tiredly at the camera and silently lifted his cup of coffee before taking a sip.

“ _Good morning, I just wanted to wish you a happy person in birthday_.”

Yuri laughed as Otabek’s face changed into an expression of confusion shortly before he chuckled.

“ _I meant happy birthday in person. I think not being a morning person is contagious and you passed in on to me.”,_ Otabek smiled for a minute before Yuri could see a blush creep up his cheeks.

Yuri was not prepared for what happened next.

Otabek started to sing ‘happy birthday’ to him.

Yuri was not sure to do with himself after. His boyfriend’s voice was still scruffy from sleep and the sound made him feel really warm inside.

“ _So yeah, now that I’ve made a complete fool out of myself, I really wish you a nice birthday. I hope Viktor and JJ won’t be annoying you too much. I’m sorry that I can’t make it this year, I really wish to be by your side. Please tell me what you think of my present. I love you.”_

The video ended and Yuri felt oddly touched. He was reminded how much he loved his boyfriend.

Their relationship was not always easy. With more than 4500 kilometres and 3 hours’ difference between them they did not see as much of each other as they hoped. They did spend as much time as possible on their phones and even though Otabek was not a big fan of social media, he never failed to answer Yuri’s snaps and messages.

Even if they were assigned to the same competitions, which Yuri hoped would be the case this year, and ended up competing at the GPF together, their career did not give them a lot of time to spend with each other.

Last year at Nagoya they were able to explore the city together, but their time was limited as Yakov’s schedule had been insane that year. His old coach did not want him to be distracted at the competition by his boyfriend.

In the end all the hard work had been worth it, though. With Otabek by his side on the podium, Yuri felt never happier. He had gotten the gold medal and Otabek had finally beaten the returned JJ for the silver medal.

He played the video again and the feeling of missing his best friend and boyfriend overwhelmed him all of a sudden and he could not stop the tears as he listened to Otabek sing to him again and again.

If Yuuri and Viktor heard his sobs through the door, they pretended nothing had happened when he opened the door to his bedroom 10 minutes later, after he made sure that no more tear streaks were on his cheeks.

Viktor sent Makkachin his way and the poodle jumped on him. If Yuri was ever happy about his growth spurt the year before, it was moments like these. He knew his 15-year-old self would probably have been on the floor.

“Happy Birthday, Yuri, your grandpa sent piroshky for you and your coach decided it was a good idea to eat them for breakfast.”, Yuuri’s smiling face greeted him and before he could say anything else, the now smaller man hugged him.

Yuri was not sure when, but Viktor and Yuuri had finally dropped his annoying nickname. They both called him Yuri now, Yuuri became Viktor’s Yuuri to make the difference clear.

Yuri had hardly any time to prepare for the whirlwind that was Viktor Nikiforov-Katsuki as Yuuri let go of him. If Makkachin had almost thrown him over, Yuri was only held upright by Yuuri holding his shoulder when Viktor tackle-hugged him.

“Happy Birthday, Yuri! How does it feel to finally be an adult? I’m so proud of you.”, Viktor pretended to brush a tear away from his face and then pulled Yuri to the dining room.

“As promised, today no training. We’re going to celebrate. Oh, it’s going to be perfect, all of your friends coming over! It will be so much fun.”

Yuri was manhandled by the other Russian and made to sit in a chair.

‘ _Not all my friends.’_ , his mind provided. The thought of Otabek singing for him came back to his mid and he busied himself with the piroshky that was put in front of him and his cup of coffee.

“Such a pity that Otabek can’t be here. His coach sure is strict. But of course, once today is over, I’ll be the perfect coach and will have to be stricter.”, Viktor sang into his own cup of coffee and Yuri rolled his eyes.

“As if you could tell me what to do, old man.”, Yuri grumbled.

He did not hear Viktor’s reply as he bit into a piroshky. No one on the planet made piroshky as good as his grandfather.

“Your grandfather also sent this.”,Yuuri told him and gave him an old and weathered piece of paper.

Yuri knew exactly what it was as soon as he read the first line.

“That’s his piroshky recipe!”, he exclaimed, excited.

How long hand Yuri practically begged for his grandfather’s secret recipe. The only answer he ever got was that he was not ready for the family secret yet.

That was right, Yuri was ready now, he was an adult, he was 18.

The thought of being a grown up did not fill him with as much thrill as it used to.

He had to get used to it. But with Otabek, his grandfather and the idiot couple by his side, he was sure, he would get through it.

“He said to remind you that you can use your savings account now, but not to overdo it with your spending.”

“Since when is my grandpa talking to you so much?”, Yuri asked and Yuuri shrugged.

“We talk once a week, usually about cooking. When I don’t understand what a recipe is saying I call him and ask.”

“If you’re having problems with reading, you can come to me, darling.”, Viktor smiled at his husband, who only raised a brow.

“But Nikolai knows exactly what to do with the instructions. If you help me, I’m sure something will catch on fire. And, no offense, Yuri, but I’m scared to ask you because I never know if you’re just taking a piss out of me.”, Yuuri’s gaze was accusing and while Viktor cried out, Yuri only shrugged.

They continued eating and when they were done, Viktor jumped up to clear away their dishes, Makkachin and Misha hot on his tails.

When Yuri heard the clinking of the dishes in the sink and could be sure Viktor was busy for a couple of minutes, he turned to Yuuri.

“Will you help me figure out how to make the piroshky? I’ve never really had to cook for myself and your stuff tastes decent…”, he asked, suddenly feeling a bit shy.

“I’d like to very much. We could try making them for when you see Otabek again. I’m sure he’d like getting something so personal from you.”, Yuuri smiled and Yuri felt himself blush.

“Shut up.”, he bit out, the heat missing completely.

“You’ll open your presents later at the party, right?”, Viktor asked as he came in carrying two bowls of food, one for Mischa and one for Makkachin.

“Do I have to wait so long?”, Yuri asked.

“I’m sure the others would like to be there when you open them.”, Yuuri smiled at him.

“Can I at least open Beka’s?”

“Nope.”

“Don’t look so sad, Yuri. How about you and I go shopping for your birthday. I know a pair of sunglasses you’d like, and I’m sure it’d help you waiting.”, Viktor threw his arms around his shoulders.

“You’re paying?”, Yuri asked and Viktor smiled at him.

“Of course.”

“Give me ten.”, he jumped up and went to get ready.

“Please, Vitya, promise me you won’t spoil him too much.”, he heard Yuuri scold his husband as he exited the room.

He told Otabek about breakfast, but not about the piroshky. He wanted them to be a surprise when they saw each other the next time.

He got ready quickly and when he got out of his room while tying his hair up, Viktor was already waiting for him.

Yuuri would join them on their way a bit, taking Makkachin on a walk.

Yuri took a photo of the four of them for Instagram.

 

**yuri-plisetsky posted an image**

birthday shopping with _@v-nikiforov_  #ItsMyBirthdayBitches #TheOldManWillBePoorWhenImDone #GuessWhosAnAdultNow

 

If it had been anyone else, Yuri might have felt guilty about the shopping trip they went on. But Viktor would not take a no for an answer, whenever Yuri liked something and it fit him.

And so, the two returned to the apartment 4 hours later, with their arms full of clothes.

Yuuri almost had a heart attack when he saw what the two had bought, but when Yuri told him he hardly had any clothes that fit him properly anymore, because he was too busy to go shopping to get new ones, he let them be.

The three of them then went out to eat lunch at a nice little Italian restaurant near the apartment. For that Yuri put on his new leather jacket.

 

**To: Beka [2.54 pm]**

_You Sent an Image_

_!!!_

_look what ive got_

_now we match_

_♥_

_wish u could be here with me 2day_

_id love 2 show ths nice place_

_and take u on a tour around st.petersburg_

_im sure youd love it_

_i really miss you_

 

“Yuri? Do you know what you’d like to order?”, Yuuri’s voice pulled him away from his phone.

The waitress smiled at him expectantly.

He shrugged.

“I’ll have a beer and the Spaghetti Aglio e olio.”

“A beer at lunch?”, Yuuri asked, raising a brow.

“It’s his birthday, cut him some slack.”, Viktor smiled at him, taking his hand in his across the table.

Yuri pretended to gag.

“Oh! It’s your birthday? And you’re ordering garlic? Don’t you have anyone to kiss?”, the waitress asked, batting her eyelashes at him.

“I do, actually, only he’s on another continent over 4000 kilometres away.”, Yuri told her with a roll of his eyes.

He was used to people flirting with him, but he had not needed another reminder of how far away Otabek was.

“And he’s not here for your birthday? He doesn’t seem to care a lot-“, she started, obviously not put off by Yuri’s behaviour.

“Listen, Lady.”, Yuri started but before he had any chance to go on Viktor turned to Yuuri.

“It’s just insane how hungry I am, aren’t you hungry, my darling? What about you Yuri? Wouldn’t you appreciate to be left alone and just got your food.”, his smile was bright and friendly, but his voice betrayed his annoyance.

“Oh yeah, maybe there is someone around who could just write our orders down and serve us our drinks and food in a few.”, Yuuri also smiled.

The waitress became flustered and basically fled to the kitchen.

“Thanks guys.”, Yuri muttered and Yuuri smiled at him.

“No worries. We get how hard it is to be separated and you don’t need to be reminded. I’m sure if Otabek could, he’d be here.”

Yuri nodded. He thought the same.

“Maybe he should look for a different coach for next season. When I last spoke to him it didn’t sound like the one he is with now is helping him a lot.”, Viktor mused and Yuri nodded.

“I know, right? Beka could be so much better if he only had a decent coach. He’s basically doing everything by himself.”

“With a decent coach he could actually give you a run for your money, Yuri.”, Viktor winked and Yuri rolled his eyes.

“Are you saying he’s not a good skater? Because he is.”

“I know. But just imagine what he could be like with good coaching.”, Viktor winked and Yuri realised where Viktor was going with this.

“Are you offering yourself?”

“Maybe. Of course, I’d have to run it past him first and maybe he doesn’t want to leave Almaty. But I think it could be a nice challenge for all of us.”, Viktor shrugged.

A different waiter came to serve their drinks, looking at them nervously.

They thanked him and Yuri pulled out his phone again.

“I’m going to tell him right now!”

“I’d rather you let me talk to him in person, first.”, Viktor stopped him.

“But-“

“If I’m going to be coaching him it’s between him and me. If you tell him, he’s going to say yes for you and I want him to make that decision himself. It’s his career we’re talking about.”, Viktor smiled at him apologetically.

“Alright.”, Yuri muttered.

“Now let’s stop talking business and celebrate your birthday.”, Yuuri intervened and lifted his glass, “To you finally being an adult.”

“Cheers.”, Viktor said in English and the three clinked glasses.

Soon after the waitress came over with their food. Yuri was conveniently showing Yuuri and Viktor the video he had gotten from his boyfriend that morning right at this moment.

Later, after they had eaten, when Yuri told Otabek about the waitress over text. His boyfriend’s answer came immediately, even though he should be at his afternoon practice.

 

**From: Beka [3.36 pm]**

_The leather jacket looks good on you._

_But you know that already, I suspect._

_I wish I could be with you as well._

_I really wanted to celebrate your birthday with you._

_I miss you too._

_This distance thing really sucks._

_That waitress sounds very rude._

_And I’d kiss you even if you ate garlic._

_Mainly because I just want to kiss you all the time._

_But I can’t._

_On a different note: I need a new coach._

_Mine is very late to every practice._

_There’s this new girl at the rink, Inkar and since she joined he only ever works with her._

_She’s nice and decent enough, but she’s 15 and just started and needs to catch up a lot._

_But he’s treating her like she’s going to be the next big star._

_I hope the waitress let you enjoy your meal in peace._

**To: Beka [3.38 pm]**

_ur coach sucks_

_but im sure ull kick butt even without him_

_i mean u’ve been doing ur own choreographys since when?_

_2015 season?_

_u better get on a podium beside me_

_ill tell mila to kick her ass_

_serves her right for distracing my boyfriends coach_

**From: Beka [3.40 pm]**

_I really like it when you call me your boyfriend, by the way._

_It helps me remember that we’re together._

_Not that I could ever forget, but it’s nice to be reminded of the fact that I’m not alone in this._

_I really wish I could be there with you today. I really looked forward to spending time with you._

_I hate my coach a bit at the moment._

**To: Beka [3.41 pm]**

_Ofc ur not alone in this_

_♥_

_But I should rlly let u go practice now_

_So we can continue to kick ass together_

Yuri smiled at his phone and put it back into the pocket of his jeans.

“What’s got you so smiley?”, Viktor grinned at him from where he was walking ahead with his husband.

“Shut up.”, Yuri grumbled but ran up to walk between the couple, separating them efficiently.

Yuuri did not seem to mind but Viktor took it upon himself to whine until they reached the apartment.

“There’s a new girl at Beka’s rink and the coach is only paying attention to her. I think Beka’s thinking about switching coaches.”, he told his companions while he put away his jacket.

He did not want to take the nice black leather jacket of, as it reminded him of his boyfriend, but he did not want it to get dirty or broken at the party.

“I’ll talk to him about it.”, Viktor smiled at him from where he was taking off his shoes.

“Yuri you should go get ready for your party. Viktor and I will prepare the apartment.”, Yuuri called from the kitchen and Yuri quickly scooped up his cat and went back to his room.

He sat down on his bed, with his cat in his arm, petting her absentmindedly.

He knew he had grown softer the past year and partly blamed Otabek for it.

But he could not help it. How could he be angry all the time when he was so incredibly happy.

Of course, some days were shitty, when all he wanted was to jump on Otabek’s motorcycle and disappear from the world a bit with him.

Otabek had been right when he said the distance was going to be hard on them, but Yuri had no idea how hard it would get.

He could not help but hope that Otabek would accept Viktor’s offer to coach him.

While Yuuri and Viktor rummaged around in the living area of their flat, Yuri took a quick shower and got dressed quickly. The only people attending his party were Georgi and his wife, Mila, Yakov and Lilia, and surprisingly enough JJ and Isabella.

Although Yuri was surprised the Canadians flew all the way to Russia just to celebrate his birthday with him, he was sure it was the promise of meeting the other there that made them come rather than his birthday.

Yes, he had found a bit of respect for Isabella and JJ and knew that the skater was trying to mend their relationship, but he knew they were not his best friends in the world.

He had just pulled his hair into a messy bun, when the doorbell rang once, followed by a bark from Makkachin.

Yuri stepped outside just as Yuuri called for him to greet his guests. Georgi, his wife and Mila had apparently carpooled and arrived together.

He let himself be swept into a hug by Georgi, who after the episode in the hospital had decided that he could hug Yuri whenever he wanted. Georgi’s wife, Katja, gave him a small package next before kissing his cheek and wishing him a happy birthday.

Once the two had cleared the field, Yuri eyed Mila suspiciously. Ever since Yuri had grown almost as tall as Viktor, she apparently had deemed him strong enough to catch her, not the other way around. The first few times she launched herself at Yuri, he almost dropped her in surprise, but he had long grown used to his friend’s antics.

It was only then that Yuri noticed the oversized gift she had carried inside behind her. He eyed it warily, not entirely sure what to expect.

“Don’t look at me like that, Yuri.”, Mila immediately rolled her eyes at him.

“That’s way too much, Mila.”, he answered her.

“You don’t know that, it could just be a box in a box in a box holding some toilet paper. You know, like a little Matryoshka. Also it’s from Sara, Mickey, Emil and me. They’re really sorry they can’t be here, but I’m supposed to give you a birthday hug from Sara and Emil as well. From Mickey, too, but his is more implied.”, she grinned at him.

“Thanks, I guess.”, Yuri blushed.

“Thank me when you opened it.”, Mila grinned raising her hand to ruffle Yuri’s hair, but he pushed her hand away. He did not want to re-do the bun.

20 minutes later everyone had arrived and they all sat together eating cake from Yuuri’s favourite bakery from around the corner. It was shaped like a tiger’s head and Yuri had to take a hundred pictures of it before anyone could even try to eat it.

 

**To: Beka [4.50 pm]**

_Look at that!!!!_

_A tiger cake!!!!!!_

_That’s so awesome!!!!!!!!!!_

After they were done with the cake, Viktor took his phone to record Yuri opening his presents.

Yakov and Lilia, pragmatic as ever, had gotten him new shoes for ballet practice and new work out gear. Yuri thanked them, happy especially about the shoes, as his feet had grown and his old ones did not fit properly anymore and were starting to break at the seams.

Yuuri and Viktor had gotten him a new ribbon to tie around Misha’s neck. When Yuri yelled at them that they had gotten him enough already and that that was too much, Viktor only grinned and told him to regard it as a present for Mischa, then.

Isabella had gotten him a gift card at her favourite shop in Canada, claiming they had lots of cool fashion that was just his style and the next time he was assigned to Skate Canada to go there and see for himself.

JJ had gotten him maple syrup, as well as a small cat plushie, dressed in a red and white shirt. Yuri would never admit that the cat would be placed with all the others he had received throughout the years on a table in his new room as soon as he moved into his flat.

Georgi and his wife had gotten him a copy of their favourite collection of poems, oblivious of the fact that the collection was one of Beka’s favourites as well. The book reminded Yuri of Otabek and he had to swallow down his disappointment at his boyfriend’s absence.

The last present he would open now, as Beka had apparently requested that he open his at the end of the day alone in his room, was Mila, Sara, Emil and Michele’s. Yuri eyed the huge present warily and started ripping away the paper. Inside was a huge teddy bear, looking like the ones that had become Otabek’s trademark. It wore a frown as an expression and Mila had put a Team Kazakhstan hoodie on it.

“We had a little help from Otabek to complete this present. It was Emil’s idea actually. We all know how hard it is to date other skaters who live very far away. We hoped this reminded you of Otabek and that it would make it easier to live so far apart if you had it.”, Mila smiled at him sadly.

The feeling of insecurity and disappointment continued bubbling in Yuri.

Viktor and Yuuri must have noticed because they called everyone away for another cup of coffee.

Yuri took his new things and went to his room. The bear went on his bed and he hugged it to his body, wishing it was Otabek. The jacket must have been his boyfriend’s, because Yuri would recognise that smell anywhere.

A lump formed in his throat as he buried his face in the soft fabric of the jacket, hugging the bear as close to him as possible. He did not hear the door open but suddenly there was another weight on his bed and nimble fingers in his hair.

“I’ll be back out in a minute.”, Yuri croaked, careful not to let the tears fall.

“Don’t worry about that. Viktor and his Yuuri are entertaining the others. Take as much time as you need.”, Mila’s voice was soft, understanding.

“How do you do it?”, Yuri asked her and Mila sighed.

“I’m not going to lie to you, it’s not easy. But I guess you’re aware. There are days where it’s fine, but sometimes, especially when I’m alone at night, it’s not. Then I try to believe in Sara and our feelings for each other and try to spend as much time together as we can.”

“We do that too. But the last time we saw each other was the GPF Finale and then Worlds. We didn’t have too much time together, though. It was a bit awkward. I feel like we’re fine with being in a relationship when it’s over the phone or skype, but we don’t actually know how to behave with each other when we’re not thousands of kilometres apart.”, Yuri admitted and Mila softly rubbed his back in an attempt to soothe him.

“I think you’re both overthinking this. You just have to be yourselves around each other. For everything else… well there’s a time and place. I’m sure there will come a time where you are closer.”

“But.. what if he find someone else? Someone in Kazakhstan who is close and not such a huge asshole as myself?”

Mila laughed at that.

“Honestly, Yuri. Have you seen the way that man looks at you? There will never be anyone else.”

Yuri was able to calm down a bit and soon the two went back to Yuri’s guests. If anyone had any idea how Yuri had felt a moment ago, they all pretended not to notice.

Hours later when everyone had left, Yuuri gave him a square package. Otabek’s gift.

Yuri snatched it out of the Japanese man’s hands and when he was back in his room closed the door behind himself.

He opened the packing and atop the carton there was a letter. Yuri opened it and found a usb stick and a letter.

_Dear Yuri,_

_Happy Birthday! I’m incredibly sorry that I can’t be there with you tonight._

_I struggled some time thinking what would be the perfect gift for you. In the end, I started making a playlist for you, that you will find on the USB. Every song makes me think of you whenever I listen to it. I hope you like it._

_As for the bigger present, it was pretty much yours before anyway, but I hope you’re still happy about it. Giving it to you feels final. In a good way, don’t worry._

_Lastly, you will find a copy of a document on the bottom of the gift. I know it’s not technically a gift per se, but I hope you will like it anyway._

_I hope you had a wonderful day and I hope Mila and the others’ gift also came to you safe so you have some way to think of me, while we’re so far apart._

_Please don’t ever forget that I love you, Yuri Plisetsky._

_Yours forever,_

_Otabek Altin._

Before he opened the package he quickly plugged the USB stick into his laptop and started the playlist. Yuri had to stop himself from laughing out loud when the first song that came on turned out to be _On Love: Agape_.

Shaking his head, he went back and opened his gift. Inside was a helmet. A motorcycle helmet. The motorcycle helmet that Otabek seemed to have reserved for Yuri.

After he put the motorcycle helmet aside carefully, he looked at the bottom of the gift and found a folded document.

The document turned out to be a copy of a signed contract that named Viktor, and by extension Yuuri, Otabek’s coach for the 2020/21 season.

Yuri stared at the document. Otabek would spend one last season with his coach in Kazakhstan and then what? He would come to St. Petersburg to train with Viktor? To train with him?

Simultaneously, Yuri dialled Otabek’s number and ran out of his room. He stopped in front of the couch waving the document around wildly.

“What’s the meaning of this?”, he yelled and Viktor only smiled at him.

“Happy Birthday, Yura. This will be the last you will have to spend without me.”, he heard Otabek tell him through the phone.

Yuri would never admit that the next thing he did was hurl himself at Viktor and Yuuri on the couch, while Otabek laughed into his ear. No one mentioned it again. Neither did they mention the tears of happiness from Yuri.


End file.
